allmydreams's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- it's cool, we can still be friends they don't understand that sometimes people are just sad. i don't know why i'm sad. mom you can make fun of me for being unhappy and you can tell me i'm just feeling sorry for myself and you can be a bitch if you want, because you don't care enough to do anything else about it. you can blame me for the fact that our relationship is so weak that the only thing that makes me stay in touch with you is the fact that biologically, you are my mother. i guess it's all my fault. i'm not sure why you have no part in it though. do you ever think about the fact that both of your children associate the word "hate" with your name? i did what you wanted. i went away, left our family alone, let the house get clean for once without me there to mess it all up, even got incredible grades, didn't gain any weight, came home and got a job without having to really look for one. got into fucking honor societies, didn't get into trouble...why am i still a failure? is it because i think i deserve more privacy than to have to keep the door open when i have company? i'm almost twenty years old, i'm not in high school anymore...please understand this hell you've trapped me in. don't tell me i could have stayed in boulder, because there was nothing i wanted more...and you made me come back. do you remember how happy dad told you i sounded only a few weeks ago? but don't worry about me marring your perfect, organized life...i'll be out of here soon enough, never to return...leaving only the traces of a life that means more than spending money, wearing a nice outfit, and being a unit in a group that you don't even want to be part of. 11:42 am - 2002-05-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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