allmydreams's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i wish it was the 60's, i wish i could be happy i don't know whether i should be happy, or sad, or what. in all honesty, things haven't been bad since i last wrote...no crying, no fights, nothing. i spent saturday evening at adam's house, just laying around with him...for once in complete privacy. those nights, as infrequent as they sometimes seem, are in my opinion some of the best. sunday was fine too. i did the church and lunch with the fam thing as always, and some man came up to each of my parents individually to tell them "how beautiful" i am...that's always cool. afterwards, adam and i went to pangaea and blockbuster and rented "chuck and buck"...now i must admit, i found this to be a good movie. adam was kind of weirded out, i think...but we both agreed it was funny. after that was studying, studying, studying. my history test ended up being easy as hell--it took me fifteen minutes max. on monday afternoon i guess things started to go down hill in a way. i went to talk to this woman about making my graduation dress and she asked if it was for 6th or 8th grade graduation...i was like, "um...i'm a senior in HIGH SCHOOL!" it was just weird...especially because when i was just going to buy a white dress, whenever i went into bridal stores the employees asked me if i was getting married. hmmm. so that's about a ten to fifteen year age range i could ostensibly pull off...that's the difference between schoolgirl uniforms and tight sweaters, i guess. but, my graduation dress is going to be really pretty, so i'm excited. the next thing that i guess could have upset me was that i got waitlisted for sarah lawrence. however, this phased me less than someone assuming i was 12 or 14...according to the letter, they only accepted 300 out of 2700 people...so i wasn't exactly down about it considering it wasn't my first choice. it would probably suck to go there anyway...i'm just glad i wasn't flat out denied. i studied hard for my chem test that night, and i think it went well on tuesday. yesterday i was nervous all day because i knew i'd hear from emerson since liz heard (and got in) on monday. all day i was talking about how i was scared i wouldn't get in, but honestly, in the back of my mind, i figured that if liz got in i had a pretty sure shot... well..apparently not. not only did i not get in, i was rejected, denied. not even waitlisted. but the worst thing is the reason WHY this upset me. i mean, i would have liked to go there and all, but honestly no more than i already want to go to boulder...it's just...this competition thing. i've ALWAYS been a competitive person, especially with liz. and maybe this year it's gotten a little out of control, but it's just a part of me. i just don't understand, how if our grades were the same until this year, when hers went down and mine got significantly better, and my SAT score is better than hers as well...how she was accepted and i was denied. what made it worse is that after she got in, everyone, from her, to adam, to my parents, to me, assumed i would get in. kym came up to me this morning and we were talking about it...she didn't get in either. she was saying that when liz called her last night and told her i didn't get in she was like, "what? catherine is smarter than you!" actually i don't know if she said that or just thought that...but you get my point. not that i actually think liz is smarter than me...i consider her to be on my same level intellectually AT LEAST, otherwise i wouldn't have been able to be best friends with her for so long...but...i do know that i get better grades than her and spend more time with my nose in the books...but i'm just being petty, so i'll get on with it. everything happens for a reason, you know? so the rest of tuesday was spent doing the following things: getting measured for my dress, going to davis kidd, going to walgreens and going to aeroboxing. at davis kidd i was going to buy an english copy of "harry potter" because i'm sick of reading it in french...but oh the irony, who would have been the ONLY person in the young adult book section? my french teacher, that's who...heh, guess it serves me right. i just couldn't leave without buying anything, so i bought the instyle makeover issue and a collection of short stories edited by nick hornby (it's called "speaking with the angel"...i've only read one so far but it's good and it's funny so you should buy it now, damnit!). adam met up with me at walgreens because he had just been at the doctor's office. i was afraid i had made him sick, but actually he probably has mono. poor guy, i hope it's a small case. speaking of sickness, i'm well now. no more cold, no more ear infection...and just a bit of a cough. my body is almost repaired. the sunburns are just tan spots now, the peeling is gone, my blisters are healing...all that stuff. yesterday bill asked me if i had been working out heh. my leather pants are way too big. yay yay yay. how am i losing weight without being able to tell? merrr. so, back to the happy or sad thing. a couple bad things have happened, and i should be sad about them (or at least the emerson thing anyway) because liz is sad and stuff like that...but i'm more happy because i've decided i'm going to boulder for sure, and the whole college process is over, and raf will be there and it will rule! i feel like i have other stuff to say, but i can't remember so i'll just stop while i'm ahead. 10:26 am - 2001-04-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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