allmydreams's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i melt with you i'm actually having a good weekend. not to imply that i usually have bad ones, or that anything extraordinary has happened recently...but...i'm just in a good mood or something. it actually started on thursday evening, when i gained a renewed sense of purpose...or something like that. all i know is that i was feeling kind of blah, but after my guitar lesson was over i was feeling alright. i had a long conversation with my guitar teacher about high school. he thinks i've changed a lot. "grown a lot" is actually what he said...i guess that is true, but it's both reassuring and depressing. i'm glad i'm not so reckless anymore but sometimes responsibility makes me feel so old. i guess i'm just going through a weird phase where i just realized that i'm almost not a kid anymore and now that i'm finally almost "there", i don't want to grow up. but i feel like he respects me more as an adult now, and that is cool. i also saw bill. damn, he is an awesome guitar player. funny to think we started playing at the same time freshman year. on thursday night i went to my older brother's house for my nieces' 6th birthday. it's weird, one of them, aby, is just like my older sister sarah. already you can just tell...she's the blond one, and taller, and when she grows up she "wants to be a model." the other one, sarah, is like me...more quiet, with dark hair, shorter and she already wants to be an artist. it's funny how they look almost exactly like us. it would be kind of cool to have a twin. i had a good time because my sister-in-law's siblings kept on telling me how pretty i am and how nice my skin is and my parents kept bragging about me for some reason. so that was cool, even though i got kind of embarrassed. the best part of my night, however, was coming home and doing my homework. i mean really getting into it, making sure it was all neat and all done. so maybe i'm a nerd, but it's good to know that i'm back in my element. spring break kind of knocked me off track. on friday i went to the Y, which made me feel awesome. i suprisingly didn't die while exercising, so that was good too. you see, the words of my middle school track coach, "it takes six weeks to get in shape and two weeks to get out of shape" always haunt me when one of my health kicks get interrupted. after i got home i indulged myself for completing a whole (school) week of being low maintenance, ironically by giving myself a pedicure (complete with a "foot mask" type concoction to exfoliate and moisturize) and painted my nails. i also took a really long shower which is always nice. after an hour or so of primping, adam picked me up and we went to the NXT generation to see silent friction. he wasn't too thrilled about going, but i think he tolerated it okay once we got there. it was a weird mix of preps, goths, punks, emo kids, hippies and other assortments that i couldn't really classify by looking at them. but esposito and silent friction both did really well and i was glad i went. for some reason after esposito played, i felt this wave of emotion and seriously almost started crying. it was so weird, i don't really know what came over me but i got really nostalgic about high school past. i was just thinking about how weird it was that just two years before, matt and nathan and kelby were in yellow five, with a large following of hippie types and a love for the dhalia llamas...while james was in waste of space, listening to punk and whatever. i remember when they both used to be so dorky looking, but now they look grown up and it kind of scares me. and kelby, what's up with that? he looks so different now. i realized that soon all of this, teenage bands and all ages clubs, will be a thing of the past. after high school, it won't be the same. and at the same time, i miss the "glory days" of high school--when i wasn't worrying about the future, or how "high school" or "teenage" whatever i was doing seemed...because i didn't care, and everything was still far away. i miss shows at indienet and guido's or even the eighth day or bellevue station. something about the NXT generation is unsettling to me...maybe it's just the fact that it seems too big, or the owners are way too un-hip looking, or the decor is too cheesy, or the fact that it's in a strip mall, or something. it's just weird going to a show where the majority of the crowd should be hanging out with your fourteen year old brother, not at the same venue as you. i miss when going to shows made me feel cool, because now it almost makes me feel lame, maybe a little bit like a poser. i don't even know. it's not the bands--i still think they're good. but i don't fit into the scene anymore and it's weird. but still, this reminiscent depression didn't throw my whole evening. i was actually glad it affected me, that i figured things out. i told adam i'm definitely not going to UT. even that went alright. i'm not really going to get into that on here, because it's personal and complicated and probably no one cares...but it was something that needed to be let out, finalized...and it was a relief. we made shells 'n cheese and ate fruit roll-ups and chilled...and stuff. you get the point. so then he took me home and we fell asleep on my playroom floor for some reason and then he left and i read allure and fell asleep content with things. today i slept late, then called adam to say good morning and wake him up for work and then i talked to liz for awhile. fell back asleep. picked up "high fidelity" and without even meaning to, read the last 100 pages. i'd kind of been reading like 30 pages a sitting, whenever i had time...but it was nice to be able to just let myself get really into it and not have any obligations to make me put it down. after that i got dressed and played on the computer/listened to music a bit. i got my report card, and my dad actually kind of made fun of me for my concern that i got a B+ in french. i guess that's alright, and i get an extra .5 on my GPA because it's AP...but i swear to god, that woman will not let me get straight A's. this is the second grading period she has done it. however, i was kind of happy because she originally told me i was getting a plain old B. it just irks me that i put so much effort into that class compared to all the others, and i get A's in all the others. but i'm just neurotic. i did a good job. i'm on the honor roll. yay me. i also got my invitation to the scene's "best of nashville" party. rock on. it's at the havana lounge...it's gonna be so much fun. heh the only bad thing is that my parents got an invitation too. oh well :) i think they have another party at the trace that night too. after all that i got a craving for some chai, so i kind of randomly called up leslie and we went to fido. i was glad we hung out and got to talked because we rarely do anymore and it just feels kind of weird sometimes. we talked a lot about the stuff i was thinking about last night, among other things, and she said that she felt weird after esposito too. anyway, i had a good time. so now i'm home. waiting to go out. i'm already ready from earlier so...hmmm. i think i'm going to go tidy up ma chambre now. i'll leave you with my favorite songs of the hour. ta ta. (in no particular order) 1. the smiths, "asleep" 2. pedro the lion, "when they really get to know you they'll run" 3. the pixies, "where is my mind" 4. braid, "a dozen roses" 5. modest mouse, "summer" 6. longpigs, "travel" 7. deathcab for cutie, "song for kelly huckaby" 8. inxs, "never tear us apart" au revoir mes enfants. *cat 5:50 pm - 2001-03-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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