allmydreams's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- artificial heart my whole apartment, excluding laura's bedroom, is almost clean. and she doesn't get back from africa until friday! that means i have all week to enjoy solitude, sunny weather, and a sanitary place of residence. and honestly, i can say that right now, i feel pretty good. it's been a whole month since evan and i officially ended everything between us, and about three months since this mess first began. it's not perfect, the way i feel right now, but it's getting better, i think. at least when i get home i don't feel paralyzed, or like i am incapable of doing anything. i don't think about him all the time; he's just something that occasionally pops into my head, how he is probably on a date with that girl abby, or has she slept on my old sheets that are on his bed, or does he ever listen to old mix cds i made him? i guess that sounds kind of bad in itself, but i don't really even miss him anymore. i miss three months ago, when things were okay, when things were working out, when we had our routine. but that's mostly what i miss, the routine, and how good it made me feel. like there was one less thing to worry about. and i suppose i've finally accepted that this was a choice i made myself. it was something i had total control of, and i fucked it all up. i guess at least that's a lesson for next time. 6:02 pm - 2004-03-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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