allmydreams's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- terrible/perfect today i have lots of time to waste because i forgot i had such a long free period and i got everything done last night. yesterday was a mix of horrible and awesome. when i wrote that last entry i was in a pretty sad mood because of the whole uproar that was going on. it makes me so upset that people are fighting about someone who is gone now. it makes more sense to just get along while we're all still here. not that i don't understand both sides though. i felt like leslie does for a long time and i totally understand her. and even if i didn't, it was just her opinion...the way she saw it. i really don't think she meant to hurt anyone who thought otherwise. we just saw mikey in such a different light. at the same time, i can't say that if i was elise i wouldn't have been hurt. obviously i have never been dating someone who died, but i have had experiences where i found out things were completely different than i thought they were. and i couldn't change it and it hurt a lot. i felt so stupid. i'm not saying that i don't think mikey loved elise. i mean, he went through the whole school year jumping from girl to girl...practically a new interest every week...and something about her must have made him want to stop. if i were a guy, she is not the kind of girl i would pick if i just wanted to use someone. i know he loved leslie too. i know that was why he couldn't settle on one girl all year. i know that was a big reason why he could never date me. and maybe at first he thought he just wanted to settle down and elise was available, but i really think he grew to love her. last winter mikey told me that his mom told him teenage love was the best kind of love and that it couldn't compare to married love. because when you're a teenage you have nothing to lose, and you're free. it made him sad because though he had felt true love, he felt horrible. i was jealous of elise at first, as i have mentioned before, but looking back i don't think i can condemn him for wanting to be happy. so maybe he changed a bit, but sometimes you have to. i just hope this all works out. yesterday after school i went over to adam's house in a bad mood about all of that...blah i'm so lucky to have him. i probably make him feel weird when i talk to him about it, but he let me ramble on about everything for awhile. then we laid down for awhile and i felt a lot better. after that i did some stress-reducing aeroboxing for the second day in a row and now my calves are so tight and sore i can barely walk! ahh! oh well as i told adam last night, "pain is the prerequisite for buffness." the instructor is all over the place and she has these cut abs and she wears a headset and it's kind of scary heh. when i walked outside i was like wow, the weather is incredible. i was still all hot from exercising and there was a cool breeze but it was generally warm and at my house it was so dark outside that you could actually see stars. at home i had mucho homework so i was happy when i finally got to collapse in bed and talk to my love on the phone before finally drifting off to sleep. today has been rockin' because i had a long block of art, then an advisory meeting and now a long block free period. next i have lunch and then it's all down hill from there :) oh well... i'm going to go wander the halls now. 10:22 am - 2001-01-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||