allmydreams's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the way that i feel oh life. FUCK YOU! what a horrible day. things started out alright i suppose...got to sleep late, went out to lunch with the fam...came home and called adam expecting that we would get together today as planned...so i call him and he's like, "have you checked your email?" and i haven't...so i get off the phone with him and read it...bam. i hate boys. so he thinks i'm not fucking attracted to him anymore...that i'm not getting it on with him enough or something...because that must mean our relationship is "deteriorating"...and a bunch of other shit blah blah blah wqrywro3r1234...you get the picture. he basically says that last night's "episode" was the icing on the cake. i thought things were fine until he was leaving...it was a typical night-went to the movies, ate dinner at las palmas, came back to my house and watched SNL with my brother...and then when he was leaving he wouldn't kiss me or talk to me or anything...and i kept on asking what was wrong and he wouldn't tell me then finally mumbled some shit about how we're never alone anymore...what the hell??? we're alone all the time...but apparently in guy language this is equal to we don't well, you know, anymore. my freaking little brother was in the room! i mean come on. and the fucked up thing is that he isn't even right. so i call him up obviously pretty damn upset...i mean i knew he was pissed last night but i didn't think it was a big deal...and he starts getting all whatever with me which makes me more upset. i dunno, there's too much to explain in here. why the hell am i even writing this in here? anyway. bottom line is that he seems to think that unless things "change" then we're probably better off as friends. so i'm angry, pretty much hang up on him and yeah. rip and i went out for chai and i ended up feeling a lot better but i'm still so damn confused. leslie mentioned in her last entry that she and olsen have reached a point where they're so comfortable with each other that they either have to stop now or keep going for the long haul i guess. so i suppose we're like that too--but i don't mind that level of comfort. it's exactly what i've been looking for in a relationship but never been able to find until now. i should be able to be my complete self around him...i mean i thought he was basically an extension of myself...but if the way i am right now isn't good enough for him then i don't know what to do. i should call liz but i think right now i would prefer to just forget about what's happening. so now i'll tell you about the rest of my weekend... on friday after school i went to the Y and then me and liz and adam went to nXt generation for the whytehog show...i was excited that i walked in JUST in time for my song. everyone in the world was there--from leslie and the forts to E to charlie to brad to kym to ellen fuson to bill and cara to matt bell and elise! it was nice seeing everyone even though adam was being kind of snobby about the music and the venue itself. i kept on hallucinating mikey through this dark shaggy haired boy i had never seen before but when we were leaving i saw him talking to kym and i realized they looked pretty much nothing alike. afterwards we all went to satco and then adam and i met up with jacob and went back to my house to watch SLC punk...heh i love that movie! i used to always see it at blockbuster and i thought it looked retarded but then one night i saw the beginning of it at jonathan's house and i thought it was funny as hell so i was glad to see the rest of it. the end made me really sad though...one of the guys dies and the church his funeral is at reminded me a lot of mikey's. of course when adam and i came back to my house last night my brother was watching it and we came upstairs just in time to watch that scene again. ugh. yesterday during the day my mom and i went shopping for my graduation dress...didn't really see any i liked. oh well. so that brings me to last night with adam. we went to thoroughbred and saw "snatch"...i thought it really sucked but his friend let us in for free so no big deal. i just don't like movies where most of the "appeal" is that person after person gets shot and dies. and well you know the rest. so what's up for the rest of today? hmmm who knows. i think i'm going to go tidy up my room and then work on mes devoirs. au revoir mes amis! ps on a side not, yesterday i also bogarted a bunch of my little bro's cds (hey he steals mine all the time) and i realized he's got some pretty good ones. the new yo la tengo rules even though it sounds a lot different... "don't have to smile at me, don't have to talk / all that i ask is you stop and remember it isn't always this way" 4:36 pm - 2001-02-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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