allmydreams's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- how soon is now wow i've managed to avoid my diary for over half a week. this seems to have been a trend in several aspects of my life. after thursday i just wasn't working. first of all, i haven't exercised since thursday morning before school. second of all, for some reason i let my room get so unorganized and messy i barely recognized it--luckily i fixed that one last night. lastly, i couldn't see for most of the weekend because i tore one of my contacts and i was too lazy to ask my mom if i had more left (luckily i found out i did). but it's tuesday now and i'm good as new--and tonight i'm aeroboxing! i'm so happy i only have three more days left this week...i'm reading for tha muthafuckin' weekend....maybe because last weekend was pretty boring. on friday it was rainy and driving was scary so adam and i rented "cecil b. demented." it was kind of funny but not as good as i expected. we spent the rest of the evening being annoying couple-types and later watching that gross boob implant/reduction special on mtv. luckily this was after my contacts screwed up so i didn't see many details--they played pretty good music during the show, though. i still want a damn breast reduction...but after seeing one girl's nasty saggy boobs (they were so bad i could tell they were horrible through virtual half-blindness) i realized that mine aren't so bad. i bet you wanted to know that, too. :) on saturday i went shopping at cool springs. i don't really know what i was looking for--a graduation dress i suppose, though it's doubtful i could find one at a mall. anyway, i ended up finding a prom dress and it rules. it's orchid purple-colored and pure sexxx. anyway. i also visited adam at work and saw "bertha," the girl who is stalking jacob. adam, jacob and i went and chilled at pass pets for awhile to look at fish (they didn't have a very exciting variety) but i got distracted by one of those machines that tells you what kind of mood you're in. i got "flirtatious" twice. hmmm. adam just called and he is coming to visit me right now....anyway. on saturday night adam and jacob and i sat around and then we met up with ghetto slut barbie (aka whitney) and cameron parks....it was boring...then we went to jackson's....it was kind of boring....then we visited liz and watched part of "erin brockovitch"....that was most boring. oh well, sometimes you need a boring night....i think? ok i just got back from hanging out with adam for a bit....we went to davis-kidd and i got "woman: an intimate geography"... it should be interesting :) but back to my boring life. on sunday i went to chinatown with my fam and then adam came over and we sat around and stuff and blahblahblah...then since i didn't have school i went out to dinner with rip and then we had a nice conversation about college, the future, etc. he had to be home early though...oh well...i spent the rest of the evening chatting on the phone with my love, and then i fell asleep in the playroom...oh yeah right before i went out lloyd called me and i was like ohmygosh....yeah :) heh anyway it was freaky shit. on monday i had to make up my guitar lesson from last week. you see, shortly after i wrote my last entry, i began feeling quite faint and i ended up being really out of it and going to sleep for a long, long time when i got home. i guess that's not half as bad as having a seizure like leslie...but it still sucked. anyway, maybe that's why i became a slacker all weekend...yeah :) anyway after my lesson i spent the afternoon eating lunch with adam, listening to the emo show and meeting with adam ross at the scene. blahblahblah i want to write for them, i'm just so damn busy....but hopefully this thing we'll be putting together in the summer will be cool. on the way home, however, i just about had a heart attack. driving down woodmont blvd, around where it intersects lealand, i saw a WHITE MERCURY MYSTIQUE! earlier in the summer before mikey died, leslie brought up the fact that he had the only one she had ever seen...and ever since then i have searched for one. after he died, it became almost a sick obsession....i felt like after i finally found one i could rest, i would feel better about his death in general. i don't know. i was behind the car all the way down to woodmont and estes, where it turned into a driveway...weird, probably 8 mos of searching and the first one i saw lives about a block from neighborhood. what scares me is that i have been thinking about him less. not just since yesterday, but in the past week or so. and not that i'm not still incredibly paranoid about death and dying, not that he doesn't often consume my thoughts...but i stopped searching for that mikey association with every little thing--every song lyric, every memory, every thing i read...everything. i realized it the other night when i was downloading on napster and someone i was downloading a bunch of files from had the name "thrill-jockey." of course from this i thought of mikey's old screename, but when i did so i was kind of like, "whoah i haven't even thought about him in awhile." i guess "awhile" is relative, though--considering until recently i was essentially thinking about him 90% of the time. it isn't just that, though. when i look at his picture i feel like i didn't even know him. last night adam was talking about how his relationship with leslie seems weird enough that it was just a dream that never really happened...i feel that way about mikey....every memory is fading...i can't remember enough specifics to convince myself he was real. i don't feel enough of that sting when i think of him anymore. and i don't want to forget him, but it's nice to be at ease. i don't even know what i'm talking about. so that brings me to about now. i had a bunch of homework last night. i probably have a lot tonight. my mom can't find my little brother and i'm kind of worried. liz came back to school today. i have aeroboxing in approx. one hour. i saw kym at davis-kidd. i guess that's about all. byebye 3:46 pm - 2001-02-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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