allmydreams's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- american girl well, it's been an interesting week i suppose. i've decided to stop even trying to update this everyday. first of all i don't have enough time, but more importantly my life is so scheduled and predictable that not enough cool things happen to write about. actually, probably most importantly, no one cares enough to read this every day anyway. i guess that's not really the point of this, though. well, actually maybe it is... i suprised myself a couple times this week with my capacity to get things done. on wednesday, i came home and worked on my homework for about an hour and a half, getting everything except for my history reading and my french essay done. afterwards, i went to the Y and killed myself, quickly showered and got ready to go out, then met up with kym at bongo at 7:30. she kind of yelled at me earlier in the day because i am a horrible president of penstaff (our now underground pseudo-creative writing club...don't ask) so i had to go. anyway, we decided to call up lloyd and he actually came, and brought with him his friend bram...it was too weird. lloyd finally cut his hair but he still looked horrible. bram lost like 80 lbs. he actually looks alright now but eww. they're still both really weird. what a blast from the past. anyway, so lloyd keeps calling me now and yesterday informed me that bram has a "crush" on me. hah, rock on (riiiiight). what can i say, i'm irresistable. anyway, i got home around 9 and somehow finished all my work by 10. i kind of had a breakdown when i was talking to adam, though. you see, deep down i know that i work hard, but i've developed this complex where i just feel like it's never enough. i can't help it. if i'm not prepared for class or i don't offer enough "class participation", if i haven't worked out, if my room isn't clean, if my hair is messed up...if anything is "wrong" or flawed about me, i feel horrible and not good enough and i usually end up in a sour, "stay away from me" type mood. ugh. i have become my alter ego. nothing cool happened on thursday except that i made a mix cd. there will have to be a vol. II because i didn't get to put everything i wanted to put on there. however next time i will make a mix tape because cd's are way too complicated and i always have to get my brother to do it for me. ahhh. here's the track list: belle and sebastian-women's realm longpigs-miss believer ramones-i wanna be sedated get up kids-close to home smashing pumpkins-set the ray to jerry mineral-parking lot billy idol-eyes without a face built to spill-by the way smiths-how soon is now of montreal-honeymoon in san francisco ben lee w/liz phair-away with the pixies badly drawn boy-once around the block radiohead-be quiet and drive belle and sebastian-mayfly air-sexy boy longpigs-on and on yo la tengo-the crying lot of g sponge-velveteen in short, it rules. so yesterday i worked out, got ready and went over to leslie's house. we went to jackson's for a bit and talked about stuff. i almost feel awkward talking to her now...i know her but i don't. i mean as far as i can tell i don't really think she's changed, but everytime we hang out now i just feel weird. like it's a burden for her or something because i'm not cool enough. ahhhhwlrqe23g1i23ur1i i dunno. why do i always become alienated from my friends? so after that we headed out to brentwood and got adam and went to jame's suprise party. i'm still not sure why i was invited because i barely knew anyone there but i guess i was glad i was. unlike a lot of people, i don't really care whether or not "those indie kids" are clique-y or whatever, but i would be lying if i said i didn't feel uncomfortable. oh well. it was an experience. i was glad i got to talk to james. adam and i ate dinner at mazatlan's and randomly ran into rip, along with his fra/brentwood/weird druggie friends. heh that was cool i guess. we spent the rest of the evening at adam's house. i had an awesome time--i left with that "my life rules" kind of smile on my face, which continued throughout our late-nite phone conversation and as my head hit the pillow and i fell asleep. yay. so now it's past 3 and i'm still in my pjs. i haven't done anything today except catch up on sleep, check out my brother's internet indie radio stations, try on warm weather clothing and pine for spring... shower time! 2:41 pm - 2001-02-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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